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5 years of her

  1. It’s amazing how many people just blog to blog stuff that’s on their mind. I don’t know if this is exactly that or not but it’s something I need to do.

    I’ve been with the same girl friend for going on 5 years. I realized about 4 years ago that I really didn’t feel for her the same way she feels about me. It’s strange because I’m still here but here’s what I know. My girlfriend has Bipolar, which means its one extreme to the other. I’ve told her how I’ve felt on numerous occasions over the years but she refuses to take my feelings to heart. In a nut shell, so long as I give in to her whims, thoughts, needs and wants, life is good. …Only except the part of romance. We have no romance in our relationship nor have we had it for a while. Maybe two years? The hook is, I really don’t want to be romantic with her. I have no desire, spark or interest.

    What keeps me with her? Well to date, I have a roof over my head, my dog stay fed and happy, and that’s about it. I survive only to survive. I have no dreams or aspirations any more, only because so long as I am with her, I am unable to fulfill those aspirations. Saving money is out of the question because every time, and I mean EVERY time we go out, I am pressured to buy something for her. Each and every single time. I do have a car though, I’m paying more than 9000 in finance charges for it but I really don’t have any option as she is the one that is in control.

    I care about her, I really do. She is a good person at heart and means well, only she doesn’t want to hear ANYTHING negative from me, whether I need to vent about the days stresses or by telling her how I actually feel. She hasn’t asked me how I feel in at the very least 6 months.

    I eat, I sleep, I survive for the sheer lack of not having the ability to “sack up” and leave her. The kind of person I am, is the kind of person that gets upset almost to tears when I accidentally run over a squirrel. Seeing my girl in pain upsets me as well, more so of an empathetic feeling than a genuine I want her to be happy because I want to be around her when she’s happy.

    I met another girl around the time I met my current girl 5 years ago that I feel like I missed out on. I am chalking it up to “the grass is always greener … “ syndrome, only because I truly know I could have been much happier with her. Much happier. I am detached from my personal feelings now and don’t know what to do. Just survive?

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  3. Why don't you start a blog?

  4. wow that really sucks. i suppose i have the same problem but in reverse. i care about my friends a lot, but my guys friends realize this. they take advatage of my kindness. so they'll ask me to do stupid and possible dangerous things. and like an idiot i'll do it. last time i in trouble with school…now my guy friends aren’t even talking to me.

    but anyway i suggest even though you’ll see a lot of pain, if you’re not happy end it. things maybe tough for a while but they’ll get better.
    do it.

  5. Look up "secondary gain" at Google

  6. wow well that comforting! gee thanks!

  7. Are you talking to me, Zoey? If you are, maybe you can clarify your thoughts cuz I have no idea where you're coming from. Thanks -

  8. i looked up the secondary gain thing on google. it talks about mental problems! that's what i mean.

  9. Hi Zoey,
    What site did you go to? You may have read about it on a site that doesn't explain it very well.

    I actually wasn’t speaking to you; I was speaking to mentaladmin. When people respond on a thread, they generally respond to the person starting the thread unless they mention another person's name. I didn't say, “@Zoey, look up secondary gain at Google.” But even if I had used your name, I’m an approachable person, and I appreciate when someone doesn’t rush to think I meant the worst about something. I do appreciate your responding back now and hopefully, this will clear things.

    Mental illness is par for the course on being human. It’s part of the human condition. I read on your blog that you are a teen. (I like teenagers, by the way. I live near a high school and they make me laugh.) If you go to college and take a psychology course, one of the first things you will learn is that everyone has or has had some type of mental illness. So it's not a judgment or critique in any way to say that someone is using secondary gain. I don’t know if mentaladmin is or not but I wrote the post so he/she could decide on their own. By the way the post was written, it seems to me, they are, but that's for them to say.

    I have been “guilty” of secondary gain in my life (I think everyone probably has) and when I am aware that I am doing it, it makes it better because then I can do something to change it. If I’m not aware I’m doing it, then I’m stuck in a cycle. And all it means is that someone is benefiting from something they‘re complaining about. Usually, that benefit is psychological. So, for example, and this is a fictional story, let’s say a woman wants to start a business. It’s all she dreams about. But she’s scared to death of failing so she doesn’t even try. Instead, she hooks up with a very rich man that owns his own lucrative business and …she marries him. After a couple years of fine dining, 1,000 pairs of shoes, traveling to Paris every month, and buying extravagant art, she complains to her friends that although her life is marvelous on the outside, her husband is actually dull. “Yes, he buys me diamonds but there’s no real passion in our marriage.” What is she “getting” from the relationship? All kinds of physical stuff, plus the secondary gain of not having to face her fear of starting her own business.

    I hope this makes sense.

  10. whatever. u shouldn't just post something that pretty much says the person is mentally ill. i am not even the author of this and it pissed me off! but i suppose i see ur point...

  11. Maybe it upset you because it applies to you and maybe it's easier to be angry with people than it is to take responsibility. I read on another thread that you told someone you lack manners. You come across angry sometimes and I hope you find some peace. I wish you all the best.

  12. i am sorry. i think ur mistaken. i was saying they may think i lack manners after they get to know me. i've been discribed as a bad attitude with legs. keep ur wish. i'd rather see the truth.

  13. Here's the thread:
    http://en.forums.wordpress.com/topic/are-you-a-blog-god-even-a-guru-will-do-?replies=37#post-422087

    Your blog, Jan. 25:

    "mentallity"
    "do u ever wonder if u have a mental illness? ...i think i could have a number of illnesses…i think it’s funny how we take offence to be called retarded, yet we do it 2 our selfs…"

    Go to Google and look up the word "projecting."

    Bye, Zoey

  14. ha!

  15. @zoey- seriously, your spelling is incredibly painful to read. you do realize that 'your' is not just 'ur'? and your posts are really short, too. if you aren't going to use your blog like a normal person, just get a twitter account. And the random pictures in your sidebars are just plain odd. how do fruit snacks stuck to a window relate to your blog in any way, shape, or reason? All in all, you really, REALLY shouldn't be complaining about anything, when you don't have the facts, or general knowledge to back up your claims.

  16. edit- meant form, not reason.

  17. well if u actually read my blog u'd see how fruit snacks on the window relate to me blog. and i explained in the blog that i am doing most of this from my phone, so i am sorry if text talk bugs you. learn to read. sorry mentaladmin i was really interested in what you were saying. but i guess i am getting the boot. bye bye everyone!

  18. RAWR. Man us women are catty when we are teens.

  19. i'm not catty, per se, i just hate bad spelling. epically. not capitalizing your words is one thing, but really, that's just taking it too far. And i very clearly know how to read, otherwise i'd never be able to decipher the word-vomit you're calling a blog.
    ...
    ...
    okay, maybe i am kind of catty. ah, well. My family thinks my teen bitchy-ness was overdo anyways...

  20. @gigisanchez - Your explanation has me very curious about secondary gain. I'm thinking of eventually covering this topic some time on my blog. Thank you.

  21. @cheering4u: Of all the posts in this thread, I really laughed at your last one the most, no offense meant towards you as a person is intended.

    But "not capitalizing your words is one thing, but really, that's just taking it too far."
    - Only two of your sentences start with a capital in that post.
    - One of them is improper, because it is started with "And", therefore is shouldn't even count towards proper punctuation.
    - In your last line you should say "Overdone" instead of "Overdo", and if you're going to use the punctuation "..." for emphasis, you don't need to do it twice on empty lines.

    Setting that aside now.

    @zoey18: I think the fruit snacks is actually relatively artistic, in an abstract modernistic way. :]

    In regards to the original post, I am sorry your girlfriend doesn't spark romantic interest in you. You seem to be a really sweet guy, that more wants to be safe and settle than happy. Which, if that post is anything to go by, is holding you back from what you believe your true potential is.

    My advice, if you're seeking any at all, is to maybe just be forward with her. Try not to be negative of course, but definitely tell her what you're feeling.
    The best scenario I can recommend is to ask her if she is willing to share things she feels are negative about your relationship, as well as things she feels are positive. Then you could do the same, and it would be on a level playing field.

    Best of wishes, whatever you decide to do! :]

  22. *Therefore IT shouldn't even count towards proper punctuation.

    And I didn't even touch on how much it irks me that you didn't capitalize your I's at least ><"

    But, that's just me. ^_^

  23. YEA!!! :D hahahahaha! love it!

  24. Hi Gemarrs... I'd love to see it. It's such a common thing.

    What's interesting to me is the behavior that we, as humans do, that hurts us and that we aren't aware of vs. the behavior that some people do that they are aware of that hurts them. For example, someone coming to a forum pretending to be someone else in order to gain a false sense of security over an argument would not be an example of 'secondary gain' -it would be an example of insecurity, and it would hurt them because most people would be able to see through it.

    I'm going to check out your blog :-)

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