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Angels of Secrets --- I give my secrets to you

  1. angelsofsecrets
    Member

    I should be dead, there is no question, but I am here. I survived it all. I am Joan and I survived on Angels wings so I could write this for You. I give all of my secrets to you. I cannot be the only human who holds these secrets anymore. Angels have always known my secrets, and now so do you. I don't have a lot of time, or so my doctors say, but I will do my best to share them all with you.

    The blog I need help with is angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com.

  2. angelsofsecrets
    Member

  3. angelsofsecrets
    Member

    A Letter to My Mother……
    ……..I’ve made myself from all the love you threw away.

    http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com/2011/12/14/the-face-i-cannot-change/

  4. angelsofsecrets
    Member

    Into the Storm

    I’m ashamed of myself for what he made me do; That the Angels died and I lived, God I wish it had been me. I hate myself for being the one who played pigmans games of horror. It was game pieces with Angels hearts, I was set up to lose.

    http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com/2011/12/15/into-the-storm/

  5. angelsofsecrets
    Member

    A Letter to My 6 year old self……
    ……..You are beauty and love made of Angels pure light

    Sweet little one, the Great Spirit is inside you, she’ll keep you safe from the storm. You are surrounded by an army and their waiting to be formed. Each one is an Angel with strong hearts to bare the pain......

    to read more please click on the link below -

    http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/purple-crocodiles/

  6. angelsofsecrets
    Member

    When I was 6 years old my mother gave me to a psychopath who I’ve named pigman. That sentence alone is bad, real bad, but true to form my mother had to up the ante. Simply putting me in the truck and dropping me off wasn’t enough for her, no that would have lacked the level of sadistic cruelty she craved. Instead my mother told me we were going to Disneyland and foolishly my 6 year old self believed her. She took me to Mervyn’s and I was allowed to pick out one new outfit and a pink princess suitcase for the magical adventure at Disneyland. I remember being so excited and overwhelmed by the pretty dresses, I’d never owned anything new much less pretty. I remember pushing my face into the clothes rack, I wanted to know what ‘new’ smelled like. Up until this point I had worn dirty clothes that had holes, I was lucky to get a meal and almost always had lice, disgusting I know. I loved the price tags on the dresses and how it meant you were special or worthy; I felt rich, like a princess. I picked a dress that I thought a princess would wear, pink satin ruffles with glitter and pink patent leather shoes to match.

    to read more please click on the link below -

    http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com/2011/12/18/descend-to-pigmans-basement/

  7. angelsofsecrets
    Member

    Wild things caught and trapped in cages will scream, claw, bite; they will do anything to escape the bars that hold them. They will allow blinding terror to take them over and the fear stops their hearts from beating; they die. Tame things caged take much longer to die, also their version of death is very different. You see, they’ll die with their hearts still beating, it’s a death of the spirit. I know these things, rest assured I’m an expert on this topic.

    to read more please click on the link below -

    http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/eight-steps-in-one-direction/

  8. angelsofsecrets
    Member

    To be the only survivor of a psychopathic killer is an enormous feeling of responsibility. The pressure to give meaning and purpose to the lives of those who did not survive is beyond any words I could write to you. I feel the weight of their taken lives and this terrible lump forms in my throat making it impossible to breathe. These memories must be shared, I have no choice, I’m the only one who can. It is also a tremendous honor to be the one who can speak for them. With that honor comes the responsibility to do this correctly so that their memory is protected with love. I do this for the Angels first and in doing so I am healing myself. I pray to all the Gods that I do them justice with my words.

    To read more please click on the link below -

    http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/angels-are-my-faith/

  9. angelsofsecrets
    Member

    I’m finding these writings very painful because I’ve reached a point that requires me to be intimately connected to the words. The feeling that is most prominent is shame and when I feel that, I find myself editing and backspacing a lot. It’s because I do not feel worthy of your reading eyes and I am ashamed of the memories I must write. Normally I can disconnect and let my other brain take over and do the writing for me, but I cannot disassociate from this, I must stay present with you, we are riding this storm together so please hold my hand.

    To read more please click on the link below -

    http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/a-warrior-spirit/

  10. angelsofsecrets
    Member

    I’d been down there, locked underground in pigmans basement for two winters and the third was approaching. The tree outside my tiny window had bare gnarled branches that twisted and curled as it grew in every direction. All I could see was one branch that reached out to blanket the yard with fallen leaves. The weather had turned cold and soon the world would be white with snow. The world was what could be seen from my window, it was no bigger, not to my 8 year old mind. Winters were cold, very cold, below freezing in fact. My thin sleeping bag wasn’t much comfort, it was stained and ripped, much of the stuffing had come out, but I was grateful for it.

    To read more please click on the link below -

    http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com/2011/12/22/in-the-clouds-with-hope/

  11. angelsofsecrets
    Member

    Starvation will make you crazy. It will literally eat away at your brain making your thoughts unclear and your responses erratic; pigman knew this and he used it as his tool for complete mind control. I remember going weeks without food, locked down in that basement. Smelling the aroma of pigmans dinner through the vent and it made me feel crazy...

    To read more please click on the link below -

    http://angelsofsecrets.wordpress.com/2011/12/26/starvation/

  12. Very nice blog. I found an very interesting read on angels.

    http://www.thiefinthenight.org/angels

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