REmember that just beacuse on medication does not work, does not mean that they are "all expensive placebos".
Several factors can come to play when figuring out what, if any, medications to control mental illness.
1. Are you seeing a Therapist or an MD Psychiatrist? It's ideal to have talk therapy in concordance with medication for people with a diagnosis of Depression.
2. Correct diagnoses. I'm no psychiatrist, but I'm guessing that a lot of people go through several different diagnoses before getting to the real problem.
3. Getting on the right medication for YOU. Nothing is one-size-fits-all. Certain medications are very effective in treating A and B, but not C. Some medications can cause your symptoms to get worse, or cause side effects not related to your diagnosis. Some people can't tolerate certain meds. Lamictal can cause a very dangerous rash, for example.
4. Medication and talk therapy may not be enough. What helps you focus when you're feeling down? Listening to music? Meditating? Journaling? There are plenty of tools out there for coping with mental illness. You might want to look into that or pursue it with your Therapist. Some people also find support groups helpful.
5. Eating. Exercise. Our moods can be affected by the foods we eat. Exercise of all kinds are known to release endorphins in our brains. Plus, it keeps you busy, gets you healthier, and can give you more energy.
6. Focus on things that you CAN change. You can't change other people.
7. Don't see everything through the eyes of the medication. For example, let's say you were really tired, and immediately thought "Oh, it's the Lamictal." But if looking deeper, you realize that you stayed up late the past three nights, you hadn't been drinking enough water (dehydration can make you tired), and you had a very busy day. Before blaming the medication, think about what environmental factors or personal behaviors could have accounted for being tired.
8. And LASTLY but not LEAST - I understand that you probably need to work through feelings that might include hurting yourself, but be careful. You either might want to limit who reads certain very personal information, or decide if you want that type of info out there. It could be held against you in the future. I'm talking about your comment about 21 pills.
IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING SUICIDE, PLEASE CONTACT A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL IMMEDIATELY. It is an acute risk. The Internet is not the place for advice regarding suicide.