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nebula : short poem

  1. A poem about how to destroy the universe (or just your brain!)

    http://cyclicalcausality.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/nebula/

    I tried.... I'm not trained in poetry-writing

    Any suggestions? Any are welcome!

    -o-

    A Caveat: The above post is not typical for my blog: I like to write L-O-N-G posts, and they are usually well drawn out. If you like short posts, this might not be the right site.

    I've set up a new blog called CyclicalCausality.wordpress.com. Only about a month old... (I'm kind of new at this blogging, so if any links don't work, *please* let me know!)

    My blog will usually contain discussions/dabbling about Metaphysics, Christian Theology, some color theory and possible some geometry. I like to connect it all together...

    Criticism is welcome. Thank you!

    The blog I need help with is cyclicalcausality.wordpress.com.

  2. Hopefully you take no offense to my criticism....

    Good imagery use...

    Why is the child foolish?
    I would omit the word "was" before spilled...
    I would use a different word besides "mess", maybe "destroy"

    Just my .02

    http://ginzotalk.wordpress.com

  3. Thanks!

    I know, I didn't like mess either.

    But every other synonym "mess" is a 10 cent word...

    "shakes" "displaces"

    The important thing is the message.

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